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I can’t believe I’ve never watched Crowhaven Farm before! It is the creepiest 70s TV movie I have found in a long while, and possibly the creepiest one ever made.

As the story begins, Maggie is listening to her aunt’s will being read. And isn’t that a sign that a haunted house is about to be inherited if you ever saw one? Maggie gets a cameo and some milk glass, whatever that is, and her cousin gets Crowhaven Farm. However, the will stipulates that the farm will go to Maggie if her cousin does not take possession in 30 days. And what do you know? As the screenwriter would have it, a creepy little girl steps out in front of the cousin’s car that same night, his car hits a tree and explodes, and just like that, Crowhaven Farm is now Maggie’s farm!

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Unfortunately, John Carradine is the caretaker of the farm, which is never promising. And why does Maggie already know where there’s an old well on the property and where all the house’s secret passageways are, although she’s never been there? Because she is the reincarnation of a pilgrim who lived there in the 1600s, of course. A pilgrim who was accused of being a witch. And some of her old neighbors have been waiting down in hell for her to come back to town….and now she’s serving time for mistakes made by another in another lifetime!

You sort of have to cast a critical eye on Crowhaven Farm today, because what this movie is really about is how nutty a woman will supposedly get when she is unable to have a child. When childless Maggie starts hearing a crying child and mocking laughter out in the woods at night, her doctor thinks it’s just her being crazy from infertility. He actually says, “You’ve been married for 7 years. Don’t you want children?” But instead of telling him to go to hell, she says, “I’ll do anything to have a child!” And so the next day an old lady shows up and asks Maggie and her husband to adopt her orphaned niece. But of course, the little girl may not be who she seems to be, especially since she’s the same kid who caused the car wreck at the beginning! And it’s all because of the lengths Maggie went to to get a child of her own, back when she was “Meg” of the 1600s. Yep, this is a revenge movie based on deals made with the devil over infertility, basically. No judgement there.

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But all those musty old overtones aside, Crowhaven Farm is a fun watch because it’s so damn creepy. There should be more movies made featuring the kind of ghosts you see in this film, because they just look like people. And that’s the most terrifying idea of all to me. Sure, you can get a jump scare from a ghost with one of those weird Adobe After Effects faces, but the idea that normal looking people who you can interact with and touch could turn out to be ghosts chills me.

Just like the house wanted Maggie, apparently this movie wanted me to find it today. I was watching an awful movie from the 80s this morning and I thought the name of one of the actresses, Cindy Eilbacher, sounded super familiar, so I looked her up. I never did figure out what other movie I know her from, but I found Crowhaven Farm in her filmography. If only a group of welcome wagoning neighbors would show up with a mobile cocktail party and offer me a great job like they do to Maggie at the beginning of this movie. Without the past-life revenge, of course.

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Anyway, like I’ve told you a hundred times before, never inherit a house if you are living in a horror movie. And don’t make deals with the devil, y’all!