, , , , , , ,

Today we have a special guest, my in real life good friend Jeff, bringing us his opinion of the meh that is Scream 4, a movie I did not personally bother to watch. Luckily, now I don’t have to, thanks to Jeff. So here goes.

I don't always make good movies, but when I do, I make them in the 70s and 80s

Disclaimer: While I feel that saying anything bad about this film is akin to kicking a three legged, retarded puppy with a lazy eye and mange, I’m going to do it anyway.

First, let’s take a look at the beginning, it’s the same tired thing as every one of the previous movies, so let’s not get our hopes up. Two girls having scary movie night get slashed up by the mysterious caller. But wait, there’s more! Anna Paquin spouts off a stream of obscenities that would make a sailor blush about the previous intro, then gets slashed up. But wait, there’s…. Well, you get the picture….

So, then onto the so-called “plot” of this self-depreciating knife-fest. What do you do if you’re the survivor of multiple serial killer attacks? Well, if you’re our heroine, Sydney Prescott (a now rough looking Neve Campbell), you write a self help book. Then you plan the signing in your home town on the anniversary of the beginning of the carnage that sparked it all. Brilliant, you just sparked a new round of killings. Continue to page 37. But, as the slicing and dicing progresses, it all starts looking quite familiar. Oh my god! This killer is making a reboot of the original! How ummm…. original! So now it’s left up to Sydney, Gail (Courtney Cox), and Dewy (David Arquette) to remember those events from years past to stop the new Ghostface from killing off some more of the town’s twenty-eight year old teenagers. So… Yeah… I could tell you the rest, but what’s the use? It’s a remake, right?

In all reality, I think Wes Craven may have really done it to parody himself. I mean, it’s completely packed with bad one-liners, horrible horror movie cliches, and some really bad effects (one scene I actually saw the knife blade retract). He even threw in Anthony Anderson in the role of, get this… Anthony Perkins (Psycho, anyone?). If you remember, Anderson also played in Scary Movie 3, tying in the franchise that originally spoofed Craven in the first place. So I guess it really is all fun and games and someone gets an eye poked out.