1. If they put half as much energy into their books as they did into those scarves, they could be at Hogwarts tomorrow.
2. The best way to end a family quarrel is by overacting.
3. It’s much scarier when someone sneaks out of your house than when they sneak in.
4. The really funny thing about static electricity is that it can be discharged in an animated bolt of lightning.
5. Somehow a socially awkward amateur taxidermist can get into the snobbiest clique in the school.
6. How are you supposed to know where everybody is, and what they’re up to?
7. I guess Greg should have minded his own business.
8. Referring to your group of friends as the “Top 10″ is not a bit obnoxious.
9. Stuck up assholes think they own the world.
10. Because Glenn Ford is Superman’s dad, he can tell at a distance even when a skull is covered with mud that it’s property of the science department.
11. Rudi’s still a bastard.
12. A rose makes a crap defense against a pair of shears.
13. Doofy guys can totally have their pick of hot chicks at Crawford Academy.
14. Virginia’s mother is a rich woman now, and she’s back to shove it in their faces.
15. Steve’s ass is burning.
16. You can mumble upstairs in your room and still be heard clearly by your friend on the lawn, even though she has to yell to be heard by you.
17. If you flash back three times to a car falling in the river and landing on its roof, the fourth time it will land right side up!
18. When Glenn Ford is your doctor, you don’t have to call him on the phone. All you have to do is scream.
19. Sending your daughter to Crawford Academy doesn’t make you any less of a drunken slut.
20. A silly hat makes murder all better.