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Okay, so I don’t have a British horror movie to talk to you about tonight because I went on a dinner and a movie date tonight with my dad. He went to see Seven Psychopaths yesterday and liked it so much that he insisted that I go and see it with him today. And this is a big deal because it was only playing in the city, not here in town. As I’ve said before (but it bears repeating in case bitching about it might help), we do not get anything at the sad little multiplex here in the rural Georgia town where I live that requires that you be over the age of eleven (mentally) to understand. Not that Seven Psychopaths, although a wonderful movie, is all that highbrow, or highbrow at all, but our local theater here in town has a “your I.Q. must be this low to ride” policy. For instance, the only documentary ever to play here that I am aware of in the almost 25 years the theater has been in business was that dumb one that came out recently that talked about how President Obama was turning the US into a third world country, or something. So, driving into the city to see this movie means we really wanted to see it.

And despite that brilliant and desperate introduction, I can’t tell you all that much about Seven Psychopaths, since it is new, but I will say that Sam Rockwell is a manic pixie nightmare boy, Christopher Walken is starting to look a lot like my late grandmother, but in a good way, and Colin Farrell, meOW! He looks like the human embodiment of a walk of shame, doesn’t he? Also, how can someone so ridiculously beautiful and sexy always be cast as the guy who is aw shucks, wince, grimace, perpetually having a bad day? Also, he gives the best “you have got to be fucking kidding me” face I have ever seen.

The movie is simultaneously a deconstructive parody of the crime genre and of the process of writing a screenplay, and probably a comment on life in L.A. as well. There could even be an “it was all a fantasy/unreliable protagonist” thing going on. We have come to a point in our culture where the best art is done in collages, and this movie falls under that category. I mean, we always knew there were no new stories, but now we’re past the point of knowing it right on into embracing it and admitting it and shoving it in the audience’s face. This movie is a mashup of about a hundred different movies you have seen before, cut into tiny pieces and reassembled like the crap at the end of one of those cheap kaleidoscopes I used to play with in the 70s.

But it works. For example, there is a scene which perfectly complements that scene in True Romance between Dennis Hopper and Walken, you know the one, where Walken is about to torture Hopper to death so Hopper pisses him off on purpose so he’ll just kill him and be done with it. Also, there are two interracial couples made of a white man and a black woman, which reminds one of “The Bonnie Situation” from Pulp Fiction, and I know it’s possible that there could just happen to be not one but two such interracial couples existing in a work of fiction, and it would be nice if we were to that point in our evolution as a species, but come on, Hollywood doesn’t spend this much making a movie that is actually good unless everything you see means something. We have a front row seat to the collapse of western civilization here, so I don’t think we’re evolving as a species. And that upcoming collapse is also part of the reason we’ve just said “fuck it, I’m cutting out your ideas and gluing them together a different way ta da,” but the best things going for us culture-wise are these recombinations. Because fuck it. So yeah, this filmmaker likes Tarantino A LOT, and probably the Coen brothers and Altman. And the result is laughter out loud funny. Go see his movie.

P.S. With a powerhouse cast like the one in the movie, I was surprised that I only recognized one actress, Gabourey Sidibe. But there is a mention in the movie that women don’t fare well in the screenplay within the movie, and that the world is hard on women, so maybe that’s why the women are all lesser-known? It’s on purpose? The two women who are listed on the poster aren’t even psychopaths, so the poster lied.

P.P.S. I figured out a major twist before it was revealed, but I’m wondering if maybe it wasn’t that big of a secret. I hate it when the twist is easy to guess, because then I always think that the filmmaker might have made the twist stupid to make the average moviegoer feel smart, and you know what George Carlin said about average people, plus I hate being manipulated into feeling smart.

P.P.P.S. Check out the greatest promotional interview ever conducted. This interviewer had Farrell, Walken, and Rockwell act out a scene from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. What!? (I wish they wouldn’t call the Honey Boo Boo family “hillbillies.” They live in greater Atlanta.)