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I’ll watch any Hong Kong movie that involves kung fu, with bonus points for supernaturally-infused plots. Now, I’ve seen some goofy shit as a result of this policy, but The Dragon Lives Again takes things to a new vibration of goofiness. Bruce Lee (Siu-Lung Leung) wakes up in hell lying on a table under a sheet with a huge erection which is determined to be his nunchucks. After the King of Hell explains his situation (welcome to the underworld asshole; I have an earthquake machine) “Bruce” proceeds to a Chinese restaurant where he tries to get something to eat, being ravenous after having been dead for three years.

Unfortunately, he runs afoul of some local gangsters including Popeye the Sailor Man, Clint Eastwood, Zaitochi the Blind Swordsman, the main character from Kung Fu (Asian this time), and James Bond, and he gets his ass kicked. These fictional characters and “Eastwood,” along with Emanuelle, The Godfather, an Asian guy as Christopher Lee as Dracula, The Exorcist, and a bunch of guys in skeleton suits are also planning a mutiny against the king.

Bruce regains his strength (being dead makes you temporarily weak), starts up a kung fu school, and hopes to get reincarnated back on earth or at least to stay out of deeper levels of hell. There are lots of naked ladies, and the king’s wives all want to fuck Bruce but they’re too annoying. I think this might be a comedy. It is funny, but mostly just like watching a weird amateur play, and there’s not enough fighting. I’m sure it makes me want some Chinese food.

I’ve always thought one of the worst things about being mega-famous and dead would be having to appear as a fictional character in films where people re-interpret your life and make you do stupid crap (see Lincoln, Abraham; Christ, Jesus H.; Presley, Elvis). But I suppose turning on the TV in the afterlife and seeing yourself portrayed in a different afterlife alongside a slew of actual fictional characters who really don’t belong together and a fictional version of an actor who isn’t even dead could take some of the sting out of it, if dead people appreciate parody.

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