Tags
Alfie Pearl, Bobbi Dorsch, Eddie Deezen, horror sex comedy, Hugh O. Fields, Lori Sutton, Mark Pirro, Marya Gant, Paul Farbman, Steven Dorsch
Remember back when I watched Ghoulies 3 and pronounced it the worst film in the box set? The most annoying part about it was that they’d tried to make a sex comedy with horror elements, which is a great idea, but they failed miserably. I’m happy to report that A Polish Vampire in Burbank actually succeeded. Dupah (Mark Pirro) is the vampire version of a virgin. He sleeps ’til 3 AM every night and then gets up and watches TV while drinking cold blood his dad (Hugh O. Fields) brings him. He’s afraid to pop his vampire cherry because he thinks his fangs are too small, and his family is getting impatient with his refusal to grow up.
Then he meets Dolores (Lori Sutton), who has a vampire fetish, and he falls in love. The rest of the movie is spent watching him try to work up the courage to bite her. The humor is really, really stupid, and the entire budget went to Eddie Deezen’s death scene (money well spent) as a vampire who gets caught out in the sun, but star and director Pirro has achieved something here that very few do: this is a bad movie that is bad on purpose and still works.
Most of the jokes are very good-natured, but the queerwolf subplot falls a bit flat for today’s sensibilities. Still, I loved the running gag of Delores’s dumb roommate Misty (Bobbi Dorsch), the guy at the gym who says “motherfucker” between each rep, the bad Sonny and Cher impression by Misty and Dolores’s ex boyfriend Ernie (Steven Dorsch), and especially the angry movie usher. Also, Lori Sutton is really gorgeous. I mean, wow. And I don’t even make a habit of pointlessly lusting from across time and space for blondes! It’s not a movie that actually made me laugh out loud, but I’m sure it would if I smoked some pot. And in a much better way than Transylvania 6-5000.
The only thing I don’t get is, why is everyone dressed like it’s the 70s when the movie was made in 1985? All I can figure is that everyone thought 70s clothes were funny in 1985. I know I did, and I also was sure as hell I’d never wear them (right up until they suddenly became fashionable again in the 90s), but I was ten years old in 1985, and so I didn’t know the mere presence of 70s fashion was funny to adults too. Whatever. Anyway, I recommend that you grab your roachclip, your Slinky, and your sunscreen, and watch this movie.
theipc said:
Great post!
Wednesday's Child said:
Thank you, kind sir.
James said:
An 80s horror comedy that tries to be bad AND funny and pulls both up! Give me a minute to put my scrunchie in and grab my leg warmers and then I’m heading out to get a copy.
Wednesday's Child said:
Except in the case of this movie, you’d be better off with polyester bell bottoms and a shirt with a butterfly collar.
James said:
Right, then give me a few minutes to get changed. Those will be lurking a bit further back in the closet.
E.F. Contentment (@EFContentment) said:
This sounds very interesting and I wonder how it would compare with Rockula, which sounds like it can possibly park its car in the same garage as this flick, except in that one, the lead vamp gets his blood from his mom, not his dad.
Wednesday's Child said:
Rockula has the added feature of co-starring Thomas Dolby!
The Professor said:
The filming was actually in 1981-83 time period and they never expected it to go beyond the one brief showing in a local theater. You missed one of the great bits when Dupah tells the cat to ‘scat’ and he does, in a Louie Armstrong voice. This movie was salvaged from all kinds of problems from the star (Eddie Deezen) quitting and being turned into a secondary character to having to crank this out essentially for free in the spare time of the crew. It’s amazing that it was made at all, let alone sold, then picked up by USA and now is out on DVD so I don’t have to watch my mangled VHS copy anymore. Brilliant low budget fun. And yes, Lori Sutton is gorgeous.
Wednesday's Child said:
Thanks for the info! Did you work on the film?
The Professor said:
Nope, just been a fan since I first found saw it on USA “Up All Night” in the 80′s and then found it on VHS. I’d been waiting for it to finally make it to DVD. The new DVD release includes a great documentary and voice commentary from Mark Pirro which fills in a lot of the gaps, including how they ended up with the American Werewolf tribute of Sphincter the skeleton when Eddie Deezen quit. I discovered that Pirro actually overdubbed many of the characters. He voiced all of Eddie Deezen’s parts, the father, the guy in the gym and more. I always liked and appreciated the film for it’s “B” movie humor and obvious low-budget fun. It’s moments like the scatting cat that make it brilliant. Pirro later made Curse of the Queerwolf to expand on the character in this movie. It’s amusing but not as good.
If you liked APVIB, there’s a fairly amusing spin on The Producers called The Lobsterman from Mars you might like. Tony Curtis, Deborah Forman, and more.
Another one to try is Spaceship with Leslie Nielson, Patrick MacNee, Cindy Williams and more. If you make it past the singing monster without laughing, you shoudn’t watch “B” movies
Wednesday's Child said:
I just watched Deathrow Gameshow by Pirro a couple of days ago and enjoyed that one too.
Mark Pirro said:
Glad you like the movie. It’s nice to know that there are still demented souls out there who appreciate this stuff. A little tidbit about the 70′s wardrobe: those were all our own clothes, out of our own closets. Fashion sense was never a strong point with the Pirromount ensemble.
Wednesday's Child said:
Hey, thanks for the comment. 70s fashion was preferable to 80s in retrospect, actually. Anyway, yes I am demented, Polish Vampire is one of my favorite vampire comedies, and it looked like y’all had a lot of fun making it.
The Professor said:
Ok, you win the internet for getting Mark Pirro to reply
Wednesday's Child said: