Tags
555, Bob Grabill, Charles Fuller, Greg Kerouac, Greg Neilson, Mara Lynn Bastian, Truth or Dare?:A Critical Madness, Wally Koz
555 can’t decide if it’s a gritty cop movie or a slasher, but I’m sure of one thing: this movie is what you get if you drag a 20 dollar bill through a community theatre. We open with an unconvincing looking murder. Then a bunch of bumbling, foul-mouthed, unpleasant cops sitting in an “office” with cardboard walls, interrogating a witness. The killer, the witness claims, “looks like a hippie.” The cops immediately decide that the witness is actually the murderer (they’re wrong). Then we spend the rest of the movie watching these assholes try to catch the killer.
We see the killer spackle several naked women using strawberry jelly and a wavy novelty knife, and a couple of decent effects including a knife to the throat and a stellar decapitation. All the murders happen to couples who are in the middle of having sex. You may wish they had their clothes on, and you will definitely root for the killer.
Nobody is likeable. There is not one bit of dialogue that sounds like an actual conversation between rational adults. There are fake tough New York-ish accents, an angry police captain who is only heard over the phone, stoners hacked to pieces in an abandoned casket factory, a hatchet-faced lady reporter named Ms. Rather who has an unfortunate topless scene, and gratuitous use of the word “poontang.” Oh, and the ending, after the killer is killed, features a montage of all the killing scenes from earlier in the movie. Best of all, it’s all captured on glorious VHS.
555 might have been a decent Z-grade slasher like Blood Cult if there was more slashing, and less of the stupid cops sitting around talking. But instead we get something like an eighth grader’s idea of Dirty Harry fan fiction. The good thing is that I laughed at this movie like I haven’t laughed at a movie in a long time. The sheer audacity of the director and writer is staggering. This is perfect for your next drunken round of MST3K: The Home Game.
Luckily we watched past the credits and found a real treat: a long trailer for Truth or Dare: A Critical Madness. I had forgotten about that one, and was glad to have the reminder to revisit it. It definitely slashes circles around 555.
E.f. Contentment said:
I thought 555 had fallen a wee bit short of reaching sublime levels of badness, but it had its moments (downing Jack & Cokes during my viewing certainly helped), and I will concede that watching it with others would definitely up the enjoyment quotient. Dig how the same set was redressed as both one couple’s love nest and the detective’s office.
You bring up something pretty right on, about how no one was likable in this film; if anything, I felt bad for the killer because at least he was sick in the head. I assume the other characters are sane, so they have no excuse for their bullshit. The mature “hot” reporter and the detective who resembled a grittier, tougher Todd Barry would’ve made a good couple, though.
Wednesday's Child said:
I agree about the couple. I thought they were gonna get together at the end, but the movie just ended with no real denouement. The filmmaker had creativity in terms of effects and sets, ya know, working within the budget, but the story was crap.
theipc said:
This sounds terrible… and FANTASTIC! I’ll have to give this a shot if I can find it – thanks for the recommendation : )
Wednesday's Child said:
If you like shot on shiteo, it’s entertaining. My husband is determined to find and watch every camcorder masterpiece from the 80s!
theipc said:
Shot on shiteo won’t bother me any : ) good luck in his endeavor!!
Wednesday's Child said:
It will provide me plenty of fodder for Thursdays!
mistylayne said:
I’m torn. It sounds so horrible but the gratuitous use of “poontang” makes me want to watch…
Wednesday's Child said:
The dialogue is funny because the people are such unbridled assholes to each other, especially the characters who are supposed to be on the same side.
James said:
I would like to make a case that the use of the word ‘poontang’ be outlawed and any movies (along with their directors, crew and actors) found to contain it should be burned as witches.
Wednesday's Child said:
I approve this message.